The Nothing That Is Everything
by PurpleBacon
Summary: "And as they kiss again, the stars appeared one by one, twinkling with excitement at the found love beneath them." for all of us still in need


okay explanation for this not that good fic:

I had no idea, no plan at all where this was going. And I usually just get ideas from recent events and somehow stars made its way into it and silence and stuff. Then, I just add them into the fic and make things happen as I go.

Also, I've been watching Merlin, so like I'm thinking in how like the medieval people thought then and idk even anymore so the style of writing started changing at the end.

I AM SO SORRY THIS IS NOT A GOOD FIC BUT I TRIED THANK YOU FOR READING THIS STILL ILY I TRIED i hope you see the sense in it still :)

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"I'm gonna go look for Sam." Freddie announces as he walks out of his apartment, leaving his oblivious mom to her cooking.

He closes the door behind him just as Spencer steps out into the hall. "Freddie." He greets, feigning joy.

He forces a smile, but both of them know that it's going to be a while until their smiles become genuine and sincere again. "Hey, Spence. I was just about to go look for Sam. Wanna come with?"

He chuckles. "I'm pretty sure Sam's just walking around the town for a while, probably stealing some food."

They both try to laugh, but it comes out as a hollow intake of breathe. There's a stretch of awkward silence, the other trying to conjure up some lame excuse to leave the conversation.

"Well, I have to go rent some movie and buy a smoothie." Spencer speaks up. "See you soon, Freddo."

He leaves. That's it. Freddie's left, standing there, surprised at the moment. That was the most civil conversation he and Spencer ever had. No jokes, or spazzy movements. No random outbursts or mischievous grins, just a normal conversation about where to go. It's never been like that before. Freddie could have almost been sure he saw that dark cloud rain above Spencer's head. He certainly felt it's presence. He lets it go, shakes his head in utter confusion, and walks down the stairs.

He sees Lewbert sulking behind the lobby desk, wiping his snotty nose with a rag. "Hey, Lewb." Freddie greets.

"Just go." He answers, in the most normal voice anyone has ever heard him_. Is everyone as cracked as I am? _It seems as if Carly was the ray of sunshine that brought all of them together, that kept everything in balance. But, now she was gone. And everything was dark and gloomy, set to the point when none of them knew what to do from then on. Some part of them was missing, gone to another country, and they all felt the effects badly.

"_What's going to happen?" _He whispers to himself. He reaches the streets of Seattle, the slow and heavy wind brushes against his skin, sending his hair to a frenzy. The town was oddly dark, with no moon or stars to give the natural glow these familiar streets always had. Only the lamps standing lonesome on the sides gave the eerie, neon glow for sleepless settlers.

The sound of rustling leaves calm him down a little. At least, there are still the leaves, fluttering excitedly as the wind tickles them. At least, he knows there's still something not as sad as this whole place was.

He imagines all the iCarly fans who watched the broadcast, expecting some kind of juicy news about Sam clearing all her warrants, or Spencer opening his new museum. Those fans who were expecting something to cheer them up, but all they got was broken news and an unexpected goodbye. And to think, that those people never knew Carly in real life, but each of them was attacked by her leaving. No one ever saw it coming and it all happened so fast. They had the whole day to themselves, happy and good-spirited. And suddenly, 4 hours later, she was leaving. Leaving the town, the school, her friends, her brother and her childhood.

Yup, that's totally credited for.

"She's not going to come back." He hears a voice behind him. "No matter, what you think she's not going to come back."

"I know that, Sam." He says, smirking at how the blonde found him, instead of the other way around.

Suddenly, she's walking beside him. "What are you doing out here?" She asks, munching at her fatcake.

"Looking for you." He chuckles. "But, you found me."

"You were just so lost in your thoughts." She singsongs. He doesn't understand how she could seem so normal at this moment. So, completely Sam

"How 'bout you? What are you doing here?"

She shrugs. "Went out to look at the stars." She looks up and the light of the lamps illuminates her bright, blue eyes, devoid of emotion. Her lips form into a frown when her eyes search the blank sky for any sign of natural light. "So far, it's pretty sad. All I see are man-made disappointments."

"I know." He utters, looking up at the dark, open sky. "It's like the universe is reflecting our sadness."

She takes the last bite of her fat cake and throws the wrapper at the street. "I don't know how I'll be able to control myself without Carly." She mumbles to herself, speaking her mind.

"Sam, you know you can." Freddie finds himself answering. "You've gained a lot of self-control over the years."

"Yes, because either you or Carly were there to stop me or tell me the aftereffects." She answers, stomping her way to a nearby bench. She sits down, crosses her arms and hides behind her hair. "What am I gonna do with my life, Freddie?"

He's caught off guard by the utter confusion and desperation her voice. He slowly makes his way to the bench, sitting beside her. "I'm still here."

She looks at him. Suddenly, he sees the electrifying blue of her eyes quiver in fear and exhaustion. He knows right then that he wasn't alone at overthinking this whole situation.

"Really?" She asks, sarcasm spitting out of her voice. "Freddie, how are you going to be here for me? Carly was the only one that brought us together, and without her, what are we? I'm like 100% sure that we're going to come back to enemies, or strangers. We're going to run out of things to talk about and I'm not going to have any friends and go back to my old, parole ways. You're going to have your tech geeks by your side and you'll be the goody-goody that everyone likes and you're gonna find some girl and live happily ever after."

"I'm just going to be a mess, and you'll forget about me." She whispers, her voice cracking and soft, barely audible to his ear.

He feels his heart drop to his chest, then on to his feet. He's never heard Sam in so much need and lost, never heard her admit defeat.

"Sam," He starts gently, his voice as clear as water. "I have been by your side even without Carly. I have been your friend without the help of anyone else. Sam, I know it's hard to believe, but I felt the bond between us strengthen over the years. Heck, I have bailed you out of prison, and I always will. I have gotten smoothies with you and gone with you shopping. I have had normal conversations with you that I have always treasured. Sam, we've been friends way too long to let Carly get in between it. Yes, she might have started our bond, but we continued it. I've always cared about you and it's just impossible for me to just leave you there, just because our trio is broken. Don't ever think that."

"Freddie, I can—"

"Yes, you can." He starts. "Sam, remember that time when we dated?"

She laughs, wiping her tears that were threatening to fall. "How can I forget when you're always there to remind me?"

He smiles, scooting closer to her. "Did you think it was Carly who forced you to like me? Did you think it was Carly who pushed me to kiss you?"

She shakes her head. "No." She whispers. "I liked you because I chose to."

"And I did too." He says, wincing at all the past tense. "Sam, we might have fought nonstop for like the first week we dated, but that was inevitable. It's in our nature to fight, and if we didn't, I would have started believing that you were not at all the Sam I knew."

"But, the days grew, and we fit together more and more. I just felt it, but somehow, we were too caught up in listening to what Carly said and thinking that she was like our god. We broke up."

She searches his eyes, looking for some sign to where this was going. "Freddie, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we shouldn't have broken up because of what Carly said. She wasn't talking about us and she was devastated when she heard we broke up."

"Are you saying that if it wasn't for Carly, we'd still be together?"

He shrugs. "Who knows?"

There's another silence. Freddie's already taken enough of all these silences, but still not knowing what to do. He feels as if the blank sky is eating him up slowly, taking out all hope and joy from him. His chest tightens up, and he finds it a struggle to set his breathing back to normal. The nothingness of the situation pushes him to an edge, giving him the urge to scream. As if answering his prayers, Sam's voice lifts the suffocating nothingness of it all.

"I believe you." She breaks the silence.

He looks at her, confused at her outburst. "I believe that you wouldn't leave me." She clarifies, laughing softly.

"Sam, how could you even have thought that? Look at us right now. We're sitting together, having a civilized and thoughtful conversation without Carly, without anyone actually." He looks into her eyes.

"We're doing a pretty good job of being alone."

She chuckles. "What do you think?"

"I think that you should finish your sentences and give them an actual complete thought."

"Shut up." She says, punching him gently in the arm. "Do you think we'd still be together if we hadn't listened to Carly?

"We'd probably have some…a lot of rough edges where we would have been like really close to breaking up, but nothing too serious that we would have actually went to that edge." He explains, slowly, hoping that she would understand.

She nods her head. "Okay." She answers, simple and vague.

"Sam, can we continue that conversation we had over the phone?" I ask, just blurting it out, not even thinking.

"Yup, that was pretty stupid of you to ask over the phone, right?" She says, rolling her eyes. "Very cliché."

"I'm sorry. It's been on my mind for a really long time." I answer, chuckling.

There's another silence. He focuses his attention on the sound of rustling leaves accompanied by their breathing. He's about to say something when she beats him to it.

"Well, should we?" She asks.

He's taken back to the moment at the fire escape. They were young and naïve, in need of some company. _Just to get it over with._ He remembers the next line, as if it's never left his mind.

"This isn't just to get it over with." He mumbles, mostly to himself.

"Freddie, do you still have any feelings for me at all?"

He looks at her and sees all the memories flashing back and forth in his mind. All those moments when they dated, the time when he just felt completely happy and invincible, those moments when he missed holding her in his arms and brushing her hair and kissing her lips, those moments when he thought of her all night and looked forward to every moment spent with her, romantically or not, those moments when he wished she was his, those moments when he just needed to be loved by her again.

"I still love you." The words spill out of his mouth, like they've been waiting to escape. He feels his heart pound against his chest at his sudden outburst and he looks over at her. Her face is completely placid, but her eyes glow a little bit more.

She smiles, a true, genuine smile. "I knew that, somehow." She says, confusing him so much more. "At some point, I told myself that I was just desperate for your love that I started pretending you did love me. But, you're still here, and you just spoke that promise of never leaving me.."

"I do love you." He says, sounding surprised at his sudden courage. If it had been a normal night, he would be scared out of his wits right now, fearing that his words would seem just like a fighting chance for Sam. But he felt more sure of himself as the night grew darker, felt the truth in slip from his mouth, finding its way into both their hearts, somehow

She turns to him, the glow in her eyes brighter than ever. "Thank you, Freddie."

He tilts his head, waiting for more to say, but it seems like she's done with her words. That was it. She was just thankful for everything he ever did, grateful towards him for loving her. And he felt that those words were enough explanation.

"I'm going to kiss you right now." He blurts out his thoughts, then leans in almost immediately.

Their lips touch, moving in sync with the beating of their hearts- steady, but with passion. All those days of grieving for tomorrow to be that day they dreamed of, days of wishing to be in each other's arms again were paid off with this single kiss. All of the sudden, the darkness of the night erupts with color-ecstatic fireworks as they close their eyes. Both of them feel the butterflies dance joyfully in their stomachs, feel their hearts beating rapidly and passionately, hear the blood thundering in their ears, but all of this was wrapped by the kiss they were sharing. The kiss and what it meant- that their questions have been answered and their feelings have been returned. Both of them knew what it was to be loved and that was enough to make them move on with their lives.

They were both okay.

They were both loved by each other.

They were happy.

Loved.

Happy.

Together.

They break apart, but they still live in the moment when their lips were together, the moment when they forgot all the things going on with their lives and just lived their happily ever after in that moment alone. Their eyes open at the same time, blue to brown and brown to blue. The chocolate eyes taking in all the purging electricity, the joy and the hope of the blue, and the ocean eyes falling slowly and deeply into the caring eyes of her companion. She knew, then and there, that he would be there to catch her every time she fell, or even just tripped.

He found all the stars have gone into her eyes.

He felt infinite.

The silence continues on for a long time, with them just staring into each other's eyes, falling madly in love with each other. This long moment of words unsaid would have infuriated Freddie. He'd already taken enough silences for the night, but this one felt right and comfortable. It felt as if all questions were answered with just those sincere looks and bright eyes. Echoes of words he had just were ringing softly against her ears. This was the silence that could have lingered on for forever and neither of them would have broken it.

It was the nothing that was everything.

"What are we now?" She asks, touching his forehead with his. "I have no clue."

He closes his eyes and smiles, memorizing the moment when their breathing was one. "We're both insane."

And as they kiss again, the stars appeared one by one, twinkling with excitement at the found love beneath them.

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okay that's it i tried THANK YOU FOR READING IT I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND IT WASN'T THAT MUCH OF A MESS i know it kind of like jumped from one thing to another too suddenly buT I AM SO SORRY

PLEASE REVIEW I REALLY NEED SOMETHING TO MOTIVATE ME FOR THE OTHER FICS PLEASE HELP ME YOU GET A COOKIE AND AND EXTRA CHAPTER TO THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL FOR EVERY REVIEW WOOOPPP

stay classy :)


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